Have you ever noticed what happens when a light comes on in your car? You know, the dashboard lights that say check engine, check oil, or tire pressure. Have you noticed how you respond? Do you panic immediately, or are you an avoider, thinking, Oh, I’ll get to it later. It’s not red, so it can wait.

I wonder if that’s what grief is like sometimes. A light comes on inside us. Maybe it’s triggered by something someone says, or maybe it’s an anniversary, a memory, or a holiday approaching. And when that light turns on, we might panic, or we might ignore it altogether.

If you’ve been with me any length of time, you know I love a good story. The reason I bring this up is because last night, as I was driving home from a friend’s house, my oil light came on. Immediately, I panicked. It wasn’t telling me to pull over; it was just a reminder that something needed attention. But the wave that came over me wasn’t just about the oil. It was about the loss.

Lew used to take care of those things. He was the guy I’d go to and say, “Hey, the oil light came on,” and he’d smile and say, “Okay, I’ll look at it tomorrow.” He never panicked. He just handled it.

And last night, sitting there behind the wheel, I suddenly realized I have to handle it now. All of it. The car, the bills, the decisions. The weight of that hit me, and I felt sad and mad. Mad that he’s not here to say, “Don’t worry, I’ve got it.” Sad that something as simple as a light on my dashboard could crack open the reminder that he’s gone.

But maybe that’s the thing about grief. It turns on lights we didn’t expect. Not to punish us, but to remind us to check in. To pause. To notice what’s happening under the hood.

So now, when those lights come on, both in my car and in my heart, I will try to take a breath and ask myself, What is this light trying to tell me? Do I need to pull over, or just slow down and check in?

Because maybe the goal isn’t to stop the lights from coming on, but to learn how to respond when they do.

So as I walked into my bedroom, I said out loud, “Hey Lew, the oil light is on in the car. I know you can’t fix it, but I figured I’d tell you anyway. I Love you and I miss you so much, Night my love…..I’ll make sure to check under the hood tomorrow promise…..”

Hugs to you my friends!
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