Hi my widow sisters,
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about something I wish someone had explained to me when Lew died.

As someone who watched her husband take his last breath, I have been on a mission to guide us as widows to hope. I know what it’s like to feel hopeless… because I am a widow as well. Losing your mate is one of the worst things I have ever experienced… I know this to be true for you as well. I am so sorry that we even have to be here. 🙁

What I’ve discovered in my own widowhood, yet no one had ever explained to me. That it would be more than Lew dying that would change me…Widowhood is a Gentle Paradox™

Not because losing your husband is gentle. There is nothing gentle about that. The loss is devastating and it changes everything about the life you once knew. I know you are in agreement with this. We are the same…yet vastly different now because of this death.

But the paradox is something else.
It’s the strange place where you deeply miss the life you had while watching life unfold before you.
You can love your husband with your whole heart and still discover that your life may not be finished as you once thought.

Both of those things can exist at the same time.

That realization took me a long time to understand.

The gentle part of widowhood isn’t the loss. The gentle part is how life slowly begins to meet you again. Not loudly. Not quickly. But in small ways… a moment of laughter you didn’t expect, a memory that brings warmth instead of you collapsing, a morning where your chest doesn’t feel quite as heavy.

Over time I began to see something I could not see in the beginning.
Life was still here.

Not the life I had before. That life was gone. I had grieved that heavily and let’s face it…still do.
Widowhood is a paradox for sure… It doesn’t matter how long it has been after our husband dies and how put together we may look to the world outside. WE know the truth of the most inner thoughts that haunt us… and that is why I started doing what I was doing. I believe in my spirit that God has not left us to sit here in the dust.

I knew that our lives could still hold meaning, connection, purpose, and even joy again existed. EVEN in our sorrow… so, I have made it a mission to bring us to this place.
Grief And Me was birthed with 5 women who showed up and now over 138 women subscribe to this group. Sure, not all of you can come to the sessions but that speaks volumes to me…God is doing something within our widowhood. EVEN if we don’t want it..it’s unfolding. Tenderness is my get down. I know from experience that we can be so hard on ourselves in this widowhood journey.

Now.. if you are a new widow and you have joined this community, this is where you might say…”NOOOOO” My life is over now that he is gone. I wish I could hug you and surround you with so much love. That is why this community is so sacred. The ladies that meet in Grief And Me on Thursdays envelope you with so much love and understanding. YOU do not need to move along at anyone else’s pace. This is not a race to get to the other side…This is where the Gentle Horizon™ come in… You are allowed to not be ok… there isn’t a bar that anyone can set for you… be so kind to you!! Stick with us and see that you will be loved on and cared for in this group. What I tell everyone: We are walking with grief and that pace is a pace you set for yourself. Where your grief meets tenderness towards yourself.

What I have found in widowhood, is that so many widows cannot see that when they first lose their husbands, It’s not just losing him but losing you as well. Who am I now? Without him… I am nothing….
I wrote something just for you and you can link into it at the end of this… 🙂

It’s called The Gentle Paradox: A Vision for Widows Learning to Stand Again.
You may want to read it slowly with a cup of coffee or tea. It’s not meant to rush you forward. It’s simply meant to show you what can still be possible.

If you are a widow who is beginning to feel that small stirring inside that you might want to find yourself again, I would love to walk with you in that.

Inside my work with widows we explore how to stabilize the nervous system, understand what our brains are doing in grief, release the guilt that often comes with living again, and gently begin imagining the life still in front of us.

Wherever you are in your grief right now, please know this … there is no timeline you must follow.
But there is still life here.
And sometimes we simply need someone who can hold that vision until we are ready to see it ourselves.
With love,
Gina