What an absolute blessing it is to see more and more people join this community.

Some of these ladies have been here from the start and I have watched them grow because of community. They too, have watched the transformation of being involved with a group of women who know where they are because they too have experienced the death of their spouse.

Last night, I laid next to my sweet grandson…we do GG nights and he stays in my room and we watch a movie and just snuggle. (Our family lives together so we call them GG sleep overs)

When we were laying there I had a flashback…

I remember after Lew died I was the one going to lay Judah bug down in his bed…This happened to be the night after Lew died. Judah asked his parents in his sweet little 7 year old way… “Can GG lay me down tonight?” They asked if I was willing, I said sure.

I laid with him and he said… “GG… I miss Pop” and he cried in my arms, soft sobs deep from within his little broken heart. We laid there and I cried as well. it broke my heart for so many reasons, THEY were the best of friends. They hung out together all the time. Lew made a point to teach him to skate, to ride a mountain bike and He was so exited to show him how to ski here in Oregon.

Lew was our athlete He could literally do any sport.

Unfortunately, He never got that chance to teach him to ski, he died 5 months after he had just secured a spot as a ski instructor for little kids. He was so excited, that too breaks my heart still.

As Judah cried in my arms.. and the tears were flowing I grieved…not only for the fact that my strong athetle of a man was gone, but I knew that so many things ahead that Judah would experience, Lew would never get to be part of Judah bugs life, and it broke my heart deeply. I still grieve that.

As we laid there for a bit, he sat up…”GG, Pop has gone to heaven…you’re gonna be lonely. You won’t have anyone to sleep with you”. I said, “yes, you are right bubba”. He said, “Well…I am going to sleep with you on the weekends and then you won’t be alone…momma probably won’t want me sleeping every night with you huh?” We chuckled and I said.. “probably not”. Then he said something so profound from a little 7 year old… “I will be here to love you GG”… and then I cried again.

Life now is different and I am standing again of course it’s not as I had hoped…I will miss Lew forever, just as you ladies will miss your loves… Judahs love for his POP was imprinted on him from the very moment those two met.

This now, almost 10 year old and I were snuggling together watching a movie… I could see how God in such a gentle way has reminded me that through the eyes of a then 7 year old, I was seen. I remain to be seen by this little sweet love God gave us.

My prayer for you as widows is that you start to become aware of WHO is noticing you with love and release those who didn’t stick around. They were never supposed to be part of your journey. AND that is ok… it might sting, I know, but if you release them and become aware of who is still in your camp you will see where this might be your first place of healing.

As I have built up Grief and Me…I really didn’t think community was all that, until I started building this sanctuary for us as widows. I knew we needed a safe place to land and as time went on I started to see what was still needed for us as widows….

Below is my Gentle Horizon document that describes all that is available to you!

PS… even if nothing feels right for you.. just know that I am here and the ladies in this group who show up to our sessions will love you right where you are at.

PPS…You are beautiful my dearest friend~

PS. Our meetings for Grief And Me are on Thursdays at 3 PM PST time zone the link is below!! I can’t wait to meet you