On Christmas Eve, it was raining so hard and the wind was blowing as if the roof could be pulled right off our home. I remember at one point thinking, hopefully the tree out there doesn’t end up in my bedroom on the second floor. That’s how violent the winds were. It felt as if the heavens were roaring, reminding me who was in control.

It immediately brought me back to the loudness and chaos of grief. The thoughts we have, the trauma, the memories of what was, all swirling around as if we are caught in a tornado of emotions.

Especially if you are in the midst of the battle.

In 2024, Lew died. He was so sick his last Christmas, but he mustered enough strength to come downstairs early that morning to sit around the tree. He had given Judah a book that he narrated. Such a beautiful gift, one Judah cherishes deeply. It was special, awful, and heartbreaking all at once to see my strong man silently weeping on the couch, surrounded by his family.

I remember looking over at him and just knowing. He knew this was going to be his last Christmas with us.

I didn’t give up hope though. Of course God was going to save him. If you know my story at all, we had been through many storms as a family. My God would not take Lew. He was going to restore this mess.

As the rain came down and I lay in my bed before getting up for Christmas morning, I just listened. And suddenly it all came flooding back. The painful nights Lew endured that started in November of 2023 and ended in January of 2024. Just one month after Christmas, Lew would be in the arms of Jesus.

But I thought God would save him.

Lew’s last night, though, I prayed a different prayer. I prayed that God would take him. Not because I didn’t want him here, but because I knew he was done suffering. Lew was ready. I was not.

As I stared up at the sky and looked at the moon, I prayed that God would have mercy and take Lew home. Eleven hours later, He did
Fast forward two Christmases now. Lying in bed again, listening to another storm blow, my heart aching as I listened alone in my room. The storm raging outside matched the storm in my heart and mind.

When I woke up after this storm on Christmas morning, what was left behind were large scattered branches and leaves were everywhere, Christmas decorations blown around, and once again a reminder of what grief looks like.

You see, my friends, we see life differently now. Maybe we are the enlightened ones. Maybe we are the ones who truly understand how fragile life is, and maybe that is our strength.

I don’t want to take one moment for granted. We only have this short time on earth, and the time we have is precious. I guess that’s why Grief and Me got started. I didn’t want to be a poor widow someone pitied. I didn’t want to stand alone in church, worshiping God, wondering if this was it. I wanted to link arms with other widows, to encourage and to be encouraged along the way. To find my faith stronger and find my footing again.

Yes, I created a Gentle Grief Guide for you.
Yes, I have a new program I want to share with you called A New Way To Stand.

But mostly, I want to remind you that you aren’t broken.

We are not damaged goods.
We are women who have lost our loves.
We are women who didn’t just lose a spouse. We lost something that mattered deeply.
We are women who have been beyond strong when most of the world has no idea what real strength is.
We are women who, when we link arms, remember that we matter.
We are women who are keeping our families alive by standing again.
We are women with purpose, even when we thought it would look so different.
We know more than most where true strength comes from.
We are beautiful, gifted, courageous, and mostly, we are love.

If this resonated with you.. Please email me back to let me know your thoughts!!
I love hearing back from you all!!

If you’re here and everything feels loud, the Gentle Grief Guide isn’t homework. It’s not about fixing yourself. It’s just a place to breathe. If you purchased this gentle guide. Let me know what resonated with you as well. I am grateful for everyone one of you!!

The wait list for A New Way To Stand is still open but closing soon. We will be meeting Monday January 26th at 3 pm PST time zone. If you want more information please email me for the details.