Morning Light
This morning I woke up and noticed something simple.
The sky was brighter. Not bright-bright…just not as dark as it was a few months ago.
At 6 a.m., there was already light outside.
The days aren’t longer yet…
but the sun is coming up a little earlier… I love that….

And sitting here with my coffee at 6 am, watching the sky slowly wake into morning,
I thought about us, about widowhood.

When Lew first died, I hated nighttime.
I hated going to bed alone. ( I mean I still sort of hate it… tbh)
I hated falling asleep knowing that in just a few hours I’d wake up again…
to the same reality…the same ache…the same missing.
Sleep wasn’t really sleep back then.
It was fragments. He died in January, and that year the rain was constant..
Cold.
Heavy.
Endless.

I have grown to love the rain… but this felt like the heavens were mourning Lew
And still… strangely, there were rainbows everywhere.
More rainbows than I had ever seen in my life. Truly

Rain, then light. then color across the sky, both at the same time.

This morning reminded me…
That’s grief.
Light and sorrow
mixed together.

Please don’t ever think that because I share hope
that I am “over” Lew.
I miss his face.
I miss his laugh.
I miss the us that was.
That love hasn’t faded.
It never will.

But like the morning starting to show light…hope has quietly begun to rise alongside the sorrow.

In the beginning it’s just flickers.
A kind text.
A small smile.
A moment of peace you didn’t expect.
And then a wave of sadness rolls in again.
That’s how it goes.

Not one or the other.
Both.
Sun and rain.
Rain and rainbows.
Sorrow and love.
Dichotomies exist in this life.

Yesterday, meeting with the women inside A New Way To Stand, we talked about this very thing….
How moving forward doesn’t mean betraying our love.
How we can carry grief and hope in the same hands.
How we are allowed to live… and still deeply love….We talked about gentleness toward ourselves as we navigate within this loss.

I’m so grateful for each of you.
Truly.
My prayer is that being here, in this space, in this community …softens the edges of grief just a little. That you feel seen. That you feel less alone.

So this morning, I’ll ask you the same thing I asked myself:
What are you noticing in your view?
Can you see even the smallest light mixed into the sorrow?

Because sometimes healing doesn’t come as sunshine.
Sometimes it comes as a rainbow…..right in the middle of the rain.

Sending you love and hugs!! If you haven’t been able to join Grief and Me just know you are welcome anytime…. We meet on Thursday at 3PM PST

See you there
PS… if you haven’t grabbed a copy of my gentle grief guide I believe it’s a great place to start to find the gentleness needed in your grief journey!