I heard a speaker say that grief is not a problem to solve, and while I agree with that… I was thinking about us as widows.

The truth is… we are natural-born fixers. If your husband were here, would he agree? Man… my Lew would.

In fact, when he was sick and dying, I was trying to give him some holistic stuff, and he looked at me with wide eyes and said, “Babe, you can’t fix this.”

Through tears, I said, “Please let me try…” I remember that moment so well, as I collapsed in his arms… and he just held me. The man was dying, and he was holding me. Such irony… but that was who he was.

Recently, in my group A New Way To Stand I shared with these sweet ladies, that we tend to embrace statements like:

“I should be further along
I should be stronger by now…
I shouldn’t be so sad still… what’s wrong with me?
Am I crying too much?
Or even… I am not crying enough… maybe I didn’t love him enough…
I should have done more…
I should have said this…
I should be happy he isn’t suffering any longer. He wouldn’t want me being so sad.
I should have done this… or I shouldn’t have done that…
I should get out more… at least that’s what people are saying.
What are people thinking about me? I am still so sad…”
This is where all of this seems like a problem to solve, right?

So, if grief is not a problem to fix, what do you do?

All of these thoughts take our brain from tenderness to… something must be wrong with me if I can’t control this. Our brain tries to organize things by rules.

Just notice how often you say things like:
Should… or even shouldn’t.
That is just becoming aware, and nothing to fix, there is a difference from awareness to, I should….

You are not a problem to fix.
You are grieving, and the loss of the love of your life is life-altering. Wherever you are today… that is ok.
Take some time to answer this question. You can email me back and let me know what stuck out to you.
“If there were no rules about how you were supposed to grieve… what would your grief look like today?”

If you are wanting a little more support on this journey, I do have a few ways I walk beside widows. One is my Gentle Grief Guide… it’s a small companion for those days when your emotions feel overwhelming.

And if you ever want to go deeper in rebuilding life after loss, I created a program called A New Way to Stand. The wait list is in the description below.

I also offer 1: 1 coaching for 3-6 months as well. If you are wanting that one to one support know it is available to you.

But please know… whether you use any of those things or not, I’m just really glad you’re here.

PS. Our meetings for Grief And Me are on Thursdays at 3 PM PST time zone the link is below!! I can’t wait to meet you