I was talking to my son the other night about a show he watched called Last Meals. He said Christoph Waltz was the actor they were interviewing, Chad said, he is a pretty cool guy. Not only did he choose unique and thoughtful foods for his three-course meal, but he also shared many stories about life and how we live it.

He said that in America, people are often consumed with the end result of things, yet what is wasted is the process of getting there. I thought about that for us as widows. We’re not necessarily hoping for something good at the end…. we’re just hoping to get to the end. To reach some kind of relief. But what if the real invitation is to walk through the process of grief, to notice what it’s teaching us every day, even in the smallest ways? Don’t get me wrong, this is a challenge for me as well.

So often, we focus on what we should be doing instead of allowing ourselves to simply be in this life. Some days we’re so hard on ourselves, measuring progress we can’t quite define. But maybe the end result is only a thought….one that shifts as we walk with our grief. I think that’s why I created A New Way to Stand. It’s not about the end result. It’s about who we’re becoming as we walk this road of loss and love, moment by moment.

I think there’s this place where many of us are caught in the hustle of the mind. The “I should’s” or maybe even..” I am not capable”…. We’re trying to make life work now that our husbands are gone. Some of us were left with a heavy load to carry, and finding our way through that alone can feel impossible.

For me, it feels like I’m standing on one side of a river. The sand beneath me is thick and sludgy, where everything seems to have gathered in one murky place. You know that kind of muck.. it’s where your shoes if wearing them get caught and it’s hard to pull them out.

But across the river, I can see beauty… the soft pink of sweet peas, a quiet beach where the water flows freely. I can see it. I think in the beginning, I couldn’t see anything but this deep,deep sorrow, yet now…I am starting to see beyond my sorrow. There is this idea that we can’t.. or maybe even we are dishonoring the love of our lives by wanting to see more.

So, I ask myself, how do I get there? What does it look like to embrace the process of getting there…

I know I’ll have to let some things go. Some things aren’t meant for me to carry anymore.

The belief that Grief has an end line
The pressure to be who I was before
The illusion of control
The guilt of continuing to live

The thought that I have to do it all begins to fall away too. I don’t want to live my life racing toward an end anymore. I want to live inside the becoming…. to be curious about what unfolds as I move through this.

Maybe that’s what the process of grief is really asking of us: to let go of rushing toward a result and instead allow ourselves to be shaped, softened, and surprised along the way. Remembering that, making mistakes, second guessing ourselves is part of this

imagine there’s a boat waiting for me. Maybe a kayak. Maybe just a rope I can hold onto as I drift across this river called the Rogue. Maybe we are going to go ROGUE, doing something different, embracing this process instead of resisting it.

What would it feel like to stop trying to reach the other side….and instead begin to notice who you are as you move with the current?

If you are wanting to join our sessions on Thursday just link here in this email.
Thursdays at 3 pm PST

Ps.. A New Way To Stand will begin in January. I am nailing down everything so that we can see that the process of walking with our grief is beautiful and not rushed… So if that is you and you are wanting to see yourself with guidance in the process email me so that I can get you on the wait list!
Double Hugs…
Me!