I started a new practice….Sitting with my coffee (or tea) for 10 minutes before I do anything else. No phone.. NOTHING. Can I tell you that this has been an eye opening experience for me… quite painful at first, truly.

While sitting here this morning, taking these 10 minutes to “be,” I found my mind racing. I noticed how easily I slip into “do mode”…..always moving, always producing. Get things done… duh…..

I wonder how many of us widows feel that same pressure…to keep doing because it feels like everything is up to us. I mean isn’t that the truth though??? We work until we’re exhausted… sleep… and then get up to do it all over again.

Could that be why we’re so tired? Why we feel stressed and drained? Because even sitting for 10 minutes to quiet our minds feels like a luxury we don’t deserve. Or maybe we are afraid of falling apart in this moment of quiet?

Yet, in those quiet moments, something sacred happens. We find the feminine part of ourselves…..the part that creates, that flows…that is simply being….even in our grief. This is where we allow ourselves the patience to sit with our thoughts and allow it all to come to the surface

As I sat in stillness, my thoughts went everywhere.
Gratitude for my health.
You women here….
Starting my YouTube channel.
Gratitude for my home.
“Count your breaths Gina…. ” WOWZA

My mind kept darting from “this is nice” to “oh shoot, I need to…” But each time I noticed, I’d close my eyes again and start over. For some, this is meditation. For me, it’s simply becoming very aware of what I think, and capturing those thoughts.

Here’s what I’ve been learning in this practice:
I am a doer. But we were created as human BEINGS, not human doings. All my “doings” what will they mean at the end of my life if I never learn how to just be?

I envied my husband’s carefree spirit. Lew lived his life to the fullest. I mean if that man wanted a burger, He got a burger. If he wanted a beer he drove to the store to get one. At the time, maybe I didn’t always appreciate it, can I say it annoyed me sometimes too?? maybe because I was jealous. “We can’t just do what we want?” eye rollllll….Now, I see it differently.

I was raised to produce and please. Being “good” meant getting everything done. I’ve spent my life pleasing others…literally everyone….at the expense of myself. There’s a story I tell of my mom shaming us for having fun when I was 18, we can’t just have fun….In enters my Lew and he was FUN… at first this was my go to.. he would have fun and I watched from the outskirts. My kids even call me out when I give away the last of something. The desired chair at a restaurant, the last glass of wine… even waiting until everyone is fed to not over eat…what the?? It’s not really my nature; it’s a strategy I’ve learned to survive and live with.

And now enters…Grief…. sigh

If you had told me this three to six months into this journey of widowhood, I would have said, “No thanks, I’ll stay here.” “I can’t move from here” Because that’s part of the process. So be kind to yourself if you are in this place.

We don’t need to rush grief. I share these things now so you can see: there is hope. Truly…

I’ve also noticed this: I’m not breaking down as much anymore. But there’s a sadness within me….a change in how I see the world. It’s not overwhelming sadness, but an underlying one. Life has changed. I have changed.

I wonder: “Will it always be there?” Maybe….yet…

Lew wouldn’t want that for me. His motto was “Every day’s a holiday and every meal’s a banquet.” For reals…AND He lived it. My motto can’t be “I’ll always have an underlying sadness.” for the love of God…

Yes, there will be sad moments. I mean, Lew was the love of my life and my best friend. I miss my friend the most…..the one I could gossip to (he was great at listening) , talk to about a problem, or share my deepest desires with.

Now, I have me. And I have you. You’re my friends now, ladies. We are a sisterhood. I hope you feel that as much as I do.

So I wonder—would you start this practice with me? Just 10 minutes a day. Ten minutes to see where your thoughts take you. To see what you learn about yourself.
When you are done… don’t open your phone right away… sit there.. Journal. Maybe just get another cup of coffee. Capture your thoughts but don’t judge them. Just get curious…”Oh interesting that is my go to thought…” Just see, SEE where your mind goes.

Here’s my question for you…..
If you were to create your own motto for this season of life—something like Lew’s “Every day’s a holiday”—what would yours be? Spend some time thinking about this ladies… don’t rush it either..

As always…If you are like.. UH NOPE this doesn’t resonate then toss this one in the trash bin!
But, if this did resonate, let me know.

My new Course: “A New Way to Stand,” (A Widows Guide To Moving With not Moving On”) there are a few spots available. This is a 3 month container. The start date will be November 3rd: 3 Pm Pst Time zone. This will be every other week and if you are interested at all. Please get on the wait list. I am really excited about this and can’t wait to share it with you!! I am going to be sending out the deets on this and what to expect from this course.

As always…The link is right here to join Grief and Me. See you on the inside ladies! Love you bunches