Pruning the Dead Leaves

Today I went outside to trim the dead leaves off my tomato plant… At first, it felt tedious and overwhelming… I wanted to quit after just a few stalks… But then something shifted… I found a rhythm… and in that rhythm, I could feel God speaking to me…

With every leaf I cut away, I realized this was more than gardening… The pruning represented my life… It represented widowhood…

Each leaf I cut became sacred to me… Soon my eyes filled with tears… I saw how full my life had been with Lew… He was my cheerleader… My best friend… My partner in everything… Cutting away what was… even in the form of dry leaves… felt wrong… It felt like I was betraying something holy…

But as I looked closer, I knew the truth… this plant needed this rescue… If I left the dead leaves attached, it would never survive… It would die… And so it is with me…

If I try to hold on to all of what was, I’ll suffocate the possibility of what could be…

I’m not cutting Lew away… He is still here… in the green, in the vibrant places of my life… But I am cutting away the version of me that no longer exists… The parts of life that can’t carry me forward…

Walking with Lew doesn’t mean I have to carry everything from our life together…

And it doesn’t mean I’m forgetting what was… Life with him was beautiful… Life with him was big… And life with him also held hard moments too…

That’s the tension of grief… the paradox… wanting to live and move forward while also wanting to stay in one place forever because you fear you’ll forget… But hear me, sister… you will never forget him… He will always be part of you forever…

The green leaves reminded me of this… that he is in the life that continues to grow inside of me… not in what has withered away…

As I pruned the tomato plant, I realized this is what God is gently teaching me… that He is still with me in the pruning… in the tears… and in the new growth that comes after…

And this is why I created A New Way to Stand… It’s a 3-month journey for widows who are ready to begin pruning gently… who are ready to find their footing again… not leaving their person behind, but learning how to carry love forward while creating a life that still has meaning and breath in it…Get on the wait list today… message me if this sounds like something you are interested in.

For my sister who is just a few months into this journey… This may seem off, because you aren’t ready to hear this…. I know… I was you as well. Be gentle with yourself as you continue to allow this sorrow to unfold. There is no time limit here…. YOU are allowed to stay and be guided as you see fit!

Love you all….

Ps… See you Thursday my friends.