I was reading something the other day and it stopped me in my tracks.
What we experience as widows….and what the “observers on the shore” experience….are profoundly different.

We are in the deep water now.
Navigating a canoe we never asked to be in.
Heads down, figuring out the next right stroke.
Those on the shore can see the water, but they don’t feel the curren, they don’t even realize that there are rapids ahead for us.
They don’t feel how fragile life suddenly becomes when you’re the one paddling.
And sometimes it feels like we were handed a broken paddle too, am I right?

Of course our thoughts swirl.
We lost the love of our lives.
The life we planned together is gone.
And now we’re learning how to see the world through completely different eyes.
And honestly… it sucks.
Just saying.

As Christmas approaches, I’ve been noticing that the disconnect between us widows and the observers on the shore isn’t because we’re broken.
And it’s not because our paddle is broken either.
It’s because grief and navigation are heavy work.

We are learning new waters.
New ways to navigate the waters
New ways of being us without our person.
And that can feel overwhelming.

Here’s the thing thought: don’t want to be a voice that says we are lost forever.
Or that we should find a “widow island” and stay there for the rest of our days.

I don’t believe that’s true.

And I don’t want to dishonor the love I had by not learning how to row without him here.

Lew used to say, when the kids were little (mind you, he was a Marine)
“Seveys never whine, and Seveys never give up.” It used to annoy our kids immensely lol. BUT, it has stuck in their heads even now. I have watched them navigate through this difficult season of grief and I wonder if all of his “Motto’s” that got embedded in our brains are surfacing yet again.

So, for you….I want to gently remind you of this:
Even in this very hard season, we are capable of so much.
And we have permission to do whatever feels right for us right now.

If it’s shutting out the world for a bit… permission.
If it’s showing up with half a smile and letting others know you’re not okay… permission.
If it’s putting up all the decorations and finding peace in that… permission.
If it’s not putting up anything at all… permission.
You are not doing grief wrong.
You are navigating.

And here’s the gentle question to sit with…not to answer, just to notice:
What am I believing I “should” be doing this season… and what might change if I allowed myself permission instead?

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Love you ladies
Gina~